Shout out to Aaliyah when she told us to dust ourselves off and try again❣️ RIP
You know I’ve been having a lot of conversations about health and wellness and taking care of your mind, body and soul. Some of us seem to think that it’s got to be all or nothing.
NEWSFLASH 📰
‘ALL IN’ doesn’t mean all or nothing.
It means betting on you for positive change!
All or nothing is the biggest misconception about the journey to getting healthier that I have ever heard. Like anything in life that you’re learning for the first time, there’s a process involved.
Maybe you have to write it down several times so you remember new information.
Maybe you have to hear it multiple times for you to understand the value of it.
Nevertheless, it is a process that is meant to be embraced, a process for good change to happen in any area of your life. Whether it’s a new job, new motherhood, a new relationship…whatever it is…you have to learn it and practice it to be good at it.
Would you throw your kid away the first time you made a mistake?
Would you quit your job after the first day because you didn’t learn everything in one day?
Would you stop seeing someone after the first date because they ate their salad with the wrong fork?
No you wouldn’t!
So why would you give up on YOU because the first day, the first week or the first month of learning what it is to take care of yourself for the first time doesn’t go as planned?
It’s a process.
Embrace it!
Give yourself some time.
Give yourself some grace!
You won’t learn everything in one day just like you won’t lose 100 pounds in one day… it’s a process… one day at a time, one lesson at a time, one pound at a time, one meal at a time.
REAL TALK
Whenever you’re trying to do something good, the enemy will rear its ugly head and try to throw a monkey wrench in your plans.
If you know what I’m talking about, holla at ya girl!
You gotta be better than the enemy and stronger than the enemy and have a little bit more faith in your Creator to get up when you’re knocked down and try again.
This week is an opportunity to try again.
Since the Lord blessed you to wake up this morning, what are you going to do with the new opportunities to TRY AGAIN this week?
This delightful young lady wrote in an article in Cosmopolitan magazine about not being represented in the “wellness” niche. I know how she feels on so many fronts and I am sure I am not alone. Nevertheless, she, like me, was not afraid to try new things (many new things) to discover what works for her and what makes her feel good in pursuit of her own wellness goals. She discovered that listening to her body was the most effective way to achieve her weight loss and wellness goals. At the end of the day, that's what being healthy is all about, isn't it?
Here is what she had to say about her discoveries along her journey into her new wellness lifestyle:
“After a week of experimenting with surprisingly attainable recipes, the superfood-phobe in me realised it is possible to give your body and mind proper attention without necessarily resorting to fancy foods I can’t pronounce. It might sound obvious, but actual[ly] living, [it] has done confidence-boosting wonders for someone who felt a little excluded from the wellness zeitgeist”.
I agree that some of the wellness or “fitness” images that we see on our timeline has been, in the best of terms, somewhat deceiving. I believe it's because a lot of so-called diets and workouts are designed to be a “one-size-fits-all” type of solution to achieving wellness. However, we know that’s not true.
I’ve always believed that you should run experiments on yourself (be your own guinea pig) in your quest to achieve wellness. Try different things and give them time to work (30 days is a good benchmark) to see if the system you've chosen is sustainable to your lifestyle. That means listening to your own body and truly studying what works for you. This is the secret sauce to wellness, fitness and weight loss.
Hey let’s face it what you eat matters. If you’re not getting enough protein, fiber and carbs (yes, I said it, carbs) you are going to experience plateaus and weight gain.
Examples of the types of protein you should consider are:
Lean beef such as flank steak, sirloin 90% lean ground beef
Fresh tuna, albacore or chunk light tuna fish in the can ( in water)
Chicken thighs (trimmed) chicken breast
Salmon
Cod
If you can get you chicken and beef organic or grass fed and your fish wild caught, all the better.
Examples of the types of fiber you should consider are:
Green leafy greens like spinach, kale, spring greens (for salads)
broccoli, bell peppers, zucchini
Examples of the types of carbs you should consider are:
Sweet potatoes, brown rice, whole grain pasta, green beans, green peas, carrots, turnips
Although some of these are typically in the veggie category, they are also a great source of carbohydrates that don’t do a ton of damage to the waistline.
When you eat
I can’t stress this enough. When you eat is just as important as what you eat in my humble opinion. Frankly, practicing intermittent fasting is a very effective way to manage your weight. Intermittent fasting is when you choose an eating window in your day. For example, my eating window is typically 12p - 8p eating the largest meal of the day first. Throughout the eating window, I decrease the portions proportionately at each meal. The last meal of the day is the lightest, usually a protein shake which I have found boosts my metabolism and makes for a more restful night’s sleep.
A good night’s sleep
Speaking of sleep, it should never be underestimated how much a good night’s sleep contributes to weight management. The more sound sleep you get, the deeper the rejuvenation of your bodily functions and the healthier your metabolism will be. We all know that your metabolism contributes significantly to achieving a healthy weight. A good night’s sleep will almost guarantee your weight loss goals once you make how much you sleep and your quality of sleep a priority.
Bonus Tip!
Movement
How much you move is definitely related to healthy weight management. While diet and sleep account for about 90% of your weight loss goals, movement and exercise give you an edge. Even walking can get the heart rate up, help you break a sweat and get the blood flowing. All of that contribute to the commonly accepted and basic concept of calories in calories out that is essential to effective weight loss. Thirty minutes a day is all you need. So take that walk at lunch time. Taking a walk does wonders for your digestion and it’ll do you good to enjoy the sunshine (on a nice day) and get some vitamin D as well as clear your mind from the stresses of the day.
So there you have it. My tips for healthy weight loss. If you want to begin your weight loss journey but don’t know where start, start here.
You got good grades in school. You were a good girl and didn’t make any trouble.You did your best to be the perfect girlfriend. You had a moment of rebellion just to try to fit in. You met the man of your dreams and vowed to be everything he ever needed. You became a mother and swore to be the best mother God gave you the strength and power to be. You went college and earned an advanced degree. You went out to work in a world that demanded more than your best time and time again and you always and consistently delivered. You didn’t need anybody’s help. You got this!
For all your hard work 😓 you:
Still got rejected by your parents.
Still wasn’t what he wanted.
Still was the last to be invited to the party.
Still got bamboozled by the husband.
Still fell short as a parent.
Still got taken advantage of in exchange for your good will at work.
Still wasn’t smart enough.
Still wasn’t good enough.
For all your effort, you realize you ain’t got this!
Don’t you deserve better?
Don’t you deserve to live a life full of wellbeing and purpose?
Don’t you deserve to know love and peace in a way that surpasses all understanding?
Don’t you deserve to have more, do more, be more?
Don’t you deserve to enjoy good health, be financially fit and renew your mind to the highest esteem?
You can! Starting today! In order to have more you have to be more so you can do more. You have that power. It all starts with a desire and a decision to create change that creates focus and determination to go where you want to go and be who you want to be.
I know it’s a big decision. Bigger than the decision to get married, have kids, go back to school or even accept an offer for a job. Keep in mind, all those decisions were made in fear. Fear of your biological clock. Fear of being rejected. Fear of failure. Fear he wouldn’t love me. Fear she wouldn’t respect me. Fear of being alone. Fear of (fill in the blank) How about we change the narrative? How about we start stepping out on FAITH!?!
Why not change the thoughts in our mind to know and accept that anything is possible with God? How about we write some crazy, awesome dreams down on paper and take them to God in prayer? How about having some hope for something more than just checking the boxes of what the world expects of you?
What if you did that and changed your life in such an amazing way that you won’t even recognize the life you left behind? If fear was no object and faith took its place, what could your life look like in 5 years?
Have you ever needed to have a gut wrenching, crying out to God SOB?
Today was one of those days for me. I had just fallen AGAIN and I got up quick enough to get the rest of the groceries back in the house and then....I let it all hang out. I didn’t even know I needed to get that soul breaking cry out but before I knew it, it was happening! It was one of those cries where you cant even make the sounds you just...your soul is crying out to your Creator. Crying out for your body to function like it should. Crying out so you can do and execute like you know you should but you cant make your mind and skill work for you. You’re stuck! Crying out for the faith to overcome the fear that builds inside you daily and rears its ugly head when your heart wants to execute like your life depends on it. Crying, sobbing, begging for God to take over because YOU CAN’T anymore...not without HIM.
Sometimes in our lives the shift that you desperately want to happen doesn’t because your pride or toxic positivity (yeah, I said that!) doesn’t allow you the cleansing cry you need to achieve clarity. Be real when you get on your knees. He knows your heart anyway. That will make bawl, for real!
Let’s be very clear. Your pride will have thinking that crying is punking out and a distraction from what you need to be doing. But if you’re stuck and not making any progress toward your goals, it is likely that your fear is taking over and you don’t truly believe that what you have to offer the world really makes a difference. Toxic positivity is telling you that the little you are doing is baby steps in the right direction and you might be listening to other people telling you the same thing. But you and I both know its not nearly enough to make significant progress on your goals. When this happens, you might need a cleansing cry...one that I like to call a soul cry.
My soul cry today gave me clarity and frankly, the willingness to surrender my goals and dreams to God. I know He is going to let me know exactly where I am coming up short and where I need to lean in. I know that I have to choose faith, put my trust in Him and trust the process.
I have a renewed passion now. I know that I have to do the work to do the work. What does that mean? I have to create a plan and reverse engineer how to get there. This is something that needs to be done everyday. With the help of my Creator, I know that I have the strength, courage and discipline to get the job done.
What area of your life do you need to have a soul cry about?
I used to be so overwhelmed with self-doubt that
often I wondered if I could do anything right. Whether it was struggling with
my weight, my relationships, at work or business, I never felt good enough and
so I often struggled with meeting my goals.
I became so frustrated I said to myself,
“something’s gotta give”. I started to pray. I started looking for ways that I
could overcome these problem areas in my life. I started researching these
different areas and see if there was any insight into how I could turn these
things around.
Eventually what I found was that I needed to conduct
a self audit.It looked a little
something like this:
🤔Was I doing the work necessary to get results in these different areas
of my life where I was having the most difficulty?
🤔Was I following a meal plan and exercising to reach my health goals?
🤔Was I trying to find common ground with people I work with so that we
can have a more collaborative relationship rather than a combative relationship?
🤔Was I talking about and promoting my ideas for new business ventures
in a way that made people want to invest in new products or services?
When I realized that I was coming up short, it was
time to start soul searching. It was time to start crafting a plan for every
area of my life where I wanted to see significant improvement. It was time to
start crafting a plan for success.
I began to take control of my life. I began putting
things in action. Then I started to get the results I wanted. I recognized that
I had the power to manifest my dreams into reality. I took ownership and things
started to turn around.
This process is simple but never easy. It is a
renewed commitment you have to make every day to move the needle forward in
your life. If I could do it I know that you can. You have that power. Never
surrender it to someone or something else. 🤗
👉🏽I’m really thinking a lot about the way I lived my life in the past and how I intend to live now to prepare for my future
👉🏽I can’t sleep at night and feel lethargic during the day
👉🏽 I would do about anything for just a little more energy
👉🏽I wanna focus on my health but who has the time?
I hear you. It’s been a crazy few months but you can find some calm in the anxiety and rejuvenation from the fatigue. Let’s focus on our health as the foundation for all other things we want to do. I have an idea that might help.
For starters, I’m joining my team’s 11 day glow up challenge starting July 6th. For 11 days, we are going to nourish our bodies in a way the reduces the stress, gives us a good night’s sleep (I know right, what is that😳), giving us the energy to get through the day!
Many good, God-fearing people have been asking questions like, “How can I help”, Where can I donate? What can I do? I’m only one person!”
Well, I have
answers! You can help your child learn RIGHT from WRONG just like you teach them
manners. You can DONATE time to your child’s upbringing and be in control of
what they are exposed to including but not limited to what they watch on TV,
what they are seeing on the internet and the company they keep. Guide h/her thinking
to not judge people by the color of their skin but the content of their
character. You have to be a living breathing example of what you claim you want
to help, donate and do in the world and pass that down to your kids. This is how
you can help. This is how you can donate. This what you do!
We won’t end
centuries of nurtured and cultivated racism overnight and we shouldn’t expect
widespread forgiveness overnight.
I’m no spring chicken. I’ve been working for somebody else since I was a teenager. That’s like 35 years now. You figure, you work for someone for 40years, save your money in a 401k and have a worry-free retirement. It was right around 2018 that I stopped drinking the koolaid.
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We all found real quick that life has a way of laughing at you while you’re working on ya ONE plan. As for me, it wasn’t long before I realized that I need to DO ME. I need to look out for my family and I need to work hard for MY dreams. Not dedicate what time I have left to build some else’s dream. ⠀
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The great thing about what I’m doing now is I am helping people do the 2 most important things people need right now - stay healthy and make money. This is the way I am committed to making an impact on the health and financial stability of the people around me. Now that’s worth working hard for. THAT fulfills me. THAT is what gives me purpose!⠀
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Above all, I have the best support from the best TEAM in the business. Y’all know who you are😉They know what my goals and they are as committed as I am to achieve those goals. This is an enormous undertaking but with their help, I feel like I can lift the WORLD 🌎
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So I ask you, why should you be spending another day making someone else dreams come true while your dreams fall by the wayside? Be a skeptic if you want, but do right by YOU and give yourself the opportunity to explore a better way. I’m here to help😊
Depression is such a broad phenomenon. It covers so many things. Some people think it is just clinical depression that you should be looking out for when thinking about depression generally, but in fact clinical depression varies and is exhibited in all kinds of forms. Anxiety, loss of appetite, lack of desire to do something that you once loved, even lack of a sexual drive are all signs of depression. I'm not an expert or clinical psychologist but I've lived a little life and I’ve learned throughout my many different stages of life how you can fall in depression over things and you can really have a hard time coping with situations. Situational depression is one thing but if you’re not paying attention, it could also lead to a lifestyle of depression where you're in a funk for two and three years and it's the reason why I'm bringing this up today.
In our empowerment zone group, we use fitness as a foundation to improve other areas of our lives. We support each other not just in our fitness journey but also in our daily struggles with work and family and kids and friends and all that other kind of stuff. We have a mother and daughter team that's in the group and we found ourselves talking about a breakthrough that they made in their relationship with regard to the depression that the daughter was suffering at the same time that the mom was suffering from depression but they were dealing with it in different ways. The daughter revealed was that she had come to the mom on several occasions as a teenager to discuss feelings she was having and these dark places that she found herself in. The mom was always so preoccupied with something else.
During that perilous time in both the mom and the daughter’s life, the mom was just doing everything in her power and working around the clock just to ensure that her daughter is safe, getting three squares, has clothes on her back but with very little support. Even though the mom was married to her daughter’s father, the dad was not really doing all that he could he to support the family so the burden was on the mom. To hear the mom explain it, he had a weird job that some weeks he'd work he'd work ten hours a week other weeks he'd work 80 hours and it made it difficult for them financially never knowing what their what their situation would look like.
The mom shared with us that she was working two-three jobs at any given while going to school to try and just keep everything together because at the end of the day, she wants to take care of the daughter.
Unfortunately, while her mom is there sometimes and not there a lot, the daughter tried to confront this and tried to explain her depression to her mom. Since the daughter couldn't get her mom's attention, the daughter found other ways to cope.
The good news is that when the mom and the daughter finally had the conversation years later, the mom finally got clarity. She understood that as much as she wanted to provide for her daughter and make sure everything stayed afloat and even though she was going through her own thing, if she had a chance to do it all over again, she would most definitely be paying attention to her daughter. She started listening to her and they both were talking through the issues that the daughter was feeling and get her into therapy.
I share this because I think it is an amazing story. First of all, these groups are really great when we have the opportunity to help each other in a profound way. We can talk about these issues in private we don't share them with anybody and we end up empowering people to live happy, fulfilling lives. I'm bringing this your attention because depression is a real thing. Depression is something that you really have to address as parents, especially when you profess that everything that you are doing is for your kids. This is what I heard often during our conversations in the group. “Everything that I did and every day I got up was guided by how can I make this easier for her? I just don't want her to suffer like I suffered. I don't want her to go through what I'm going through.” What the mom in our group learned is, at the end of the day when your child is in front of you and needs to talk to you need to pay attention. I’m a parent too so clearly, I empathized with her. I know our kids don’t come with manuals. I do think there is a lesson to be learned here for parents of teenagers that are going through a lot of different things. Teenagers by virtue of the fact that they're teenagers are just going through a lot as they discover who they are. Their hormones are all over the place and sometimes they don't have somewhere to channel all this energy. They're just trying to learn about all that’s going on with them. So as parents, we sometimes have to drop everything. We might have a presentation for the CEO that's due tomorrow morning. At the end of the day, whatever you are doing, you're doing that for your kid. I just feel like when your kid tells you that they're depressed, when their kid when your kid tells you that they're feeling sad, when your kid tells you that something is bothering them, don't say ‘not now’. Do yourself a favor. You don't have to listen to me. Listen to your kids. I think it'll be good for you to understand them. So when they are in crisis, you will be the first to know. It’s critical!
At the end of the day, we want to provide our kids with the best life possible but let me tell you one of the things that your kids treasure the most as they're growing up and when they become an adult. They're going to remember the time they spent with you. They're going to remember that time you said ‘not now’ and it's going to impact them in a very negative way and it's going to contribute to years of depression and wondering why they're not enough and why they were never enough. I lived it as a kid growing up. God bless my parents. I didn’t come with a manual either. I think that they did the best that they could. However, during my adult life, I was dealing with a lot of issues of abandonment as a result of hearing ‘not now’ one too many dang times. So, I could so relate to this young lady who was sharing her story. The mother and daughter are in a better place. Thank God for His mercy that they went through what they went through together and separately and still ended up being the best of friends. Now that's a blessing and God's grace in an abundant way. I'm so happy for them and I'm so happy that they're doing this group together because it's going to help them continue to heal in ways that maybe they haven't explored yet. The daughter feels validated now and the mom is learning to forgive herself. It's a beautiful thing to watch. I'm blessed to be able to witness that and just kind of guide that process. It really is them they're doing this together and it's a beautiful thing so I'm glad that I could be part of it.
At the end of the day, if you're a mom or a dad with teenage kids or young kids and they come to you anytime and talk about feeling sad or feeling a certain kind of way just stop what you're doing for a second, look them in the eyes and say ‘baby girl, (baby boy) tell me what's going on’. That is going to mean the absolute world to them. Just remember as busy as we are as parents remember who you're doing it for. It's not an easy job raising kids and having to work outside the home, building a business and finishing your education. Trust me, been there, done that. Remember, what your kids want the most is your time to hear them tell their silly story, to hear them tell you what's wrong, okay?
So if this article was helpful, please share it. Please talk about it. Please let me know if you know a busy parent that's dealing with depression and relationship issues with their kids. Share this article with them and hopefully it'll help. Hopefully it'll give them some perspective. Hopefully this article gave you some perspective because I know I learned a lot of lessons raising my own baby girl and listening to this dynamic between this mom and daughter in my group and being a kid raised with a disconnect from my parents. So I know how incredibly valuable this can be to those who think there is no hope for their relationships with their kids. Please share and comment below let me know what you think. I'll talk to you soon.
